The first thing to say is that it’s important not to blame yourself. It’s not uncommon for partners to blame themselves and believe, mistakenly, that it’s their fault, and that maybe their partner is no longer attracted to them. In fact, more often than not, your partner’s ED will have a medical cause. Conditions such as diabetes, high cholesterol, or early-stage heart conditions can all contribute to ED. Even certain medications can play a role. The quicker you realise that this is a medical condition affecting your partner’s body, the quicker you can move forward as a couple.
A man with ED will often experience deep feelings of shame, loneliness, anxiety and depression. He will often say that the inability to have an erection makes him feel like less of a man. In fact, he may be afraid to kiss or cuddle you because he is embarrassed about where it might lead. Confronting him with feelings of hurt or anger may make him withdraw even further.
Open the lines of communication
Have a conversation with your partner. Make your partner aware of the health conditions that can be related to ED, and gently suggest he see his doctor. Some men may ask you to join them at their appointment, while others may prefer to have a private conversation with their physician. Let him decide.
Don’t tell him that his ED doesn’t matter
Some partners think they are being helpful by saying their partner’s ED isn’t a big deal. It matters deeply to him, and suggesting otherwise sends the message that you don’t miss intimate, sexual contact with him, which can be very hurtful.